Online Mating or is it Dating?..."what"

Whew...THAT WAS CLOSE!

I almost signed up on a dating site.
Just now...like...I even posted a picture.
And when it came to the part where I had to describe my perfect mate...I laughed!
Perfect Mate? Mate? Who calls it that anymore?
Anyway all this made me think:

"Do I REALLY want to start dating?"

I have NOT been on a date in more than a year. Crazy huh? Now before you look at your mate while reading this and say something like "awe babe we have to find her someone...." DON'T....I am not sad about this.
I question this "non-sadness" a lot. While others are questioning "WHY ME? Why can't I FIND MY MATE...?" I question..."Lord why am I not seeking my mate? Why am I not worried?"

Don't get me wrong there are about 4 times a year when I have a moment of..."hhhmmm wonder when I will get THAT..." It's usually after spending a GREAT evening with all my fun married friends....YES I am that chick...I love watching married people...not in a creepy way but in a healthy way...I enjoy watching 2 very different people figure stuff out. I even like a good disagreement every once and awhile.
It's healthy.
I love watching these 2 people disagree and then walk by each other about 21 minutes later and kiss each other...and smile.
You see, I never got to see healthy marriages while growing up. I say marriages (plural) because I saw a lot of them. My family kinda did it for sport. I say that in a silly manner but it's true. We quit a lot.

I digress.
Let's get back to this dating phenomenon.

I see it like this:

I trust the Lord 100%
I trust Him with my finances.
My health.
My home
My Daughter
My family
My career

Why in the world would I doubt Him when it comes to my love life? What a slap in His face if I do. 
So I don't.

I thank Him....I even giggle sometimes in excitement....thinking this man MY MATE is going to be so ready for me and I for him. Jesus is working on us both. We will not be perfect but we will be ready.

Ready. READY. What a sweet word that is not taken too seriously anymore. Well it is when it comes to food and that's about it. "Dinner's ready, yall!"
Even babies aren't allowed to stay in the womb until they are ready to come out....we RUSH everything.

Jesus does everything in perfect timing. He does things when He is ready.

"Lord, I am ready when you are. I trust you. I will always have my lip gloss ready (just in case)
Thank you for seeing every part of my life as an important part....!"

- Melissa Age. 38

"I want Velcro shoes so I can do them all by myself..." -Kyleigh Isaac age 3

It happens. They want to do stuff all by themselves. 

I love my mom and know she did the best she could-I truly believe that.

I do believe she stopped raising me at the age of 17. I could do all things by myself. She didn't need to do anything else. She was a single Mom, now she could have the freedom we all lose the minute we have a child. She could stay at work late and not have to worry about picking me up from various places.She could hand me a $20 and know that she did her part.

I think this is why I am paralyzed when I think of Kyleigh doing life without me in the driver's seat. (literally)

I have had the pleasure of driving her everywhere. 

The car ride became something more than just a ride somewhere. 

Conversations started:

"Mom-where do homeless people walk? I mean they have nowhere to go...why do they walk fast?" Age 8

"Mom-I just counted 11 brown trucks and only 3 of them were light brown" Age 5

"Mom-why would some one sing about a tootsie roll?" Age 9

"Mom-can we have Cici's pizza?" Age 9

"Hey Mom-I need to tell you something and you are going to be so sad with me.....Mom-I said a cuss word in my head today at lunch." Age 10

"Mom-What do other people do on Sundays I cant believe we used to not go to church, I love it!" Age 10

"Mom-can you turn the radio up?" Age 11

"Mom----------never mind." Age 12

"Mom I seriously cannot believe you were right about that guy. How do you know stuff like that?" Age 13

"Mom I think it's neat how Jesus has us BOTH single at the same time so we can relate to each other better-easier..." Age 14

"Mom- is it weird that I have my permit?" Age 15

"Mom-really....do I drive good....?" Age 15

"Mom-I cant believe you think Bruno Mars is sexy..." Age 15

"Mom-I told my friend we could go eat and stuff tomorrow like without you...just me and her........I mean you can come if you want....." Age 16

"Mom this is going to be weird. I'm gonna miss you in the morning...." Age 16

Conversations will continue. Just in different places.

I had to learn when I first become a Christian-YOU DON'T JUST TALK TO JESUS AT THE CHURCH.

I will not stop raising Kyleigh. I will meet her where she is. 

I will ask Jesus, "How do you do it? How do you continue to raise me even though I am 38? How do you meet me where I am? Teach me O'Lord."

He is the parent and I am the babysitter.  

Spaghetti Squash, y'all!

So God creates this food...that when cooked correctly you can get a fork and stab into it and BAM it looks like real spaghetti and it's good...and good for you!

Spaghetti Squash is no JOKE, ya'll!

I have decided that I will start looking for things that He wants me to have. I will open my eyes to Him. 
I will pursue Him.
HE is enough.

I go to an awesome church and listen to an awesome man preach to me every week...
I am surrounded by smart pastors and smart Godly woman.....
and a Squash teaches ME something about ME and JESUS??
Seriously.

I probably pass by 23 different things in a day that could teach me something about me and Jesus.

Last night I learned that Jesus chose His followers. "Don't look at me like that...I had no idea."
I tell people I chose Him....when really I accepted His invitation. He was waiting for my RSVP for 33 years. 

I remember walking on the beach in Costa Rica 2 summers ago and Kyleigh saying, "Mom look!" and she was pointing at bananas and coconuts...in a tree....right there on the beach....! FOR anyone to just take.

Don't get me wrong I knew they came from trees...but for some reason I thought it was like in a certain area...like a farmer had to PLANT THE TREES and then take care of them so that they would do their job.
WELL-I was right.

That farmer is Jesus.

Ya'll he just hands us stuff...and we just walk by looking for the next thing. 

This may sound so childish to some of you...but aren't we HIS CHILDREN?
Shouldn't we think this way more often.

I think we should.

Embarrassed but inspired.

"I did my first 5k because of you...."
"Well I'm training for a Half Marathon all because of you Melissa"
"I LOST 23 pounds....you have inspired me...."
"Every time I think about giving up I think of you-and I KEEP GOING...."

These are just a couple of the statements I have heard in the past 9 months. They make me cringe now. I used to take them in and feel a sense of accomplishment.

Not lately.

"If I can inspire all these people why can't I inspire myself...?"
"What a joke I am"
"Well at least I got a bunch of people excited about their lives again..."

I have tons of great excuses-really-they are amazing!
Here it goes, ya ready? Have a seat. Cuz they are deep.

I am moving. I am moving.
Yep that's it....that's been my big excuse. I'm moving....!! Seriously how ironic is that statement...?
I'm moving but haven't moved a muscle in 2 and half months...because I'm changing my address.

While packing I touched every running bib and medal...still in awe of myself....still picturing ME at every finish line and all of my sweet supporters.

I have gained 20 pounds since the Houston Half Marathon. If I was being honest I would say I gained all of that 45 mins. after the race. CUZ I WAS HUNGRY and felt like it was owed to me. "I earned that bad food..."

Owed to me? That statement makes me sick....it makes me so angry....but it's a statement that creeps into my mind almost weekly. Don't get me wrong I never say it out loud. NEVER....but something in my head whispers it. I'm not sure I even believe it....

(wow what a mess)
I pray.

Jesus shows up and provides a house that is right in front of running trail. He is so sweet-He gently reminds me of how strong I am and that I just took a break...and that the 20 pounds is not symbolic of any new character flaw it's a set back and that is it! He is stern but loving and says..."You are my beautiful daughter...you will run again and you will run faster and longer and love it even more..."

I miss running.

With all of this I am learning that life is a journey.
I should write Hallmark cards-I know! :)

What I mean is....I am not getting ready for a big race I am not trying to lose weight for a wedding/high school reunion/hot date/swim suit season!

Life change is harder than getting ready for any function you feel you need to impress someone at.

Life change is harder.

I have chosen to not conform to a lot of ways of this world. I parent different than the world does, I live my life differently....so why cant I change this one area?

So here I sit.
Excited to run tonight after work.
I will run in my Neighborhood.
The Neighborhood He provided.

Signed,
New Runner (again)