You asked.

I've had several people ask me, "What do you think about while you're running?"
At first I thought "Think? I can't even breathe....much less think...?"
I ran 5 miles last night for the very first time, a strong 5 miles.....not the cheater cheater pumpkin eater kind ;) haha!
So I thought THIS would be a good time to tell you guys what someone like me thinks while she is running her first 5 miles.
Have a seat...it takes me a looooong time to run 5 miles so there is a lot of thinkin' happenin':

Here we go:

"Why is Isabel going so fast..."
"Wait maybe I'm going too fast..."
"Relax your shoulders..."
"The weather is sooooo nice...."
"Why did I bring this big water bottle....?"
"Jesus protect my left knee-Yea THAT ONE"
"I love Prince"
"That's a cute house"
"OH sweet MARY who is cookin' bar b q chicken!?"
"I'm not going to look at my Garmin until that white truck up there..."
"burp"
"seriously we have only ran a mile and a half..."
"Is Kristy talking to me?"
"I'm so glad I didn't lose my music when I got my new phone"
"Don't you stop Melissa"
"Jesus does me finishing 5 miles make you proud?'
"What kind of status should I put up..."
"People hate when I put up statuses about running"
"I don't care....eeewwwww I just swallowed a bug..."
"....um why do I do this.....? seriously do I think THIS will change me....will running make me a better person?"
"oh stop Melissa....you run because it's healthy...."
"Damn Isabel runs fast."
"a jacket? I have a jacket on....I bet people think it's a running jacket...nope I wore it to work, it works though."
"Thank you Jesus for helping me close that deal today-it felt good"
"Will Kyleigh be proud that I finish 5 miles-my sister will be....she thinks I can do anything"
"OK I will look at my Garmin when I get to that overly decorated house"
"Wonder if my husband will run?"
"Ricky Jackson is HOT-wonder if he runs?"
"I'm hungry.."
"I hope when I weigh in this week I've lost like 5 pounds..."
"3 miles? wow....a 5k....and no free tshirt...cool..."
"Brass Monkey that funkey junkey...."
"Junkey...? hahahah sounds funny."
"I love when Kristy says I may need new shoes-its like a prescription...."
"Almost 4 miles"
"Act like you are running 7 miles"

SAID THIS OUT LOUD: "Hey guys does it even look like I'm running?"

"hahahahaa"
"I'm numb. I wonder what I look like?"
"I cant wait until my shadow gets smaller"
"I have worked so hard"
"Seriously these woman care about me-look at them waiting for us to finish"
"I wonder if that song Grenade came out before or after Jersey Shore started getting popular?"
"oooo I may be getting gassy, I know everyone says its OK...but seriously if I ever toot while running....I WILL JUST DIE of embarrassment"
"4.7 miles....ME? seriously...."
"Jesus did you ever run?"
"why would I ask that..."
"my knees hurt bad"
"keep moving your feet-Melissa"
"4.9 can we just stop....?"
"hey let's go another mile....seriously I could"
"5 miles.....oooooo wow I didn't stop. Isabel didn't stop...we kept going....we are so good at running"

Ok so there ya go...

Tomorrow I will share with you the thoughts in my head while in the car driving home.

And if you guys are lucky....I will share "the next morning"

Frends?

I know I spelled Friends wrong.
BUT I think we should take the "I" out of the word and out of the relationship.

Have you ever lost a frend? I don't mean by death or a huge fight? I mean you just lost a frend.....?

Doesn't happen very often.

or does it?

I remember having a best frend when I was 5. She played with me and met me at the corner of our street...her mom made the best toast ever because she used WHITE BREAD....we only had BROWN bread.....she made me laugh and I made her laugh. We lost touch....because I moved away and we just never stayed in touch-we were 5. I think about her often, though.

Things were simple.

Being a friend is complicated.
Especially now that we have "facebook frends" you know the ones who just read your page but never say anything to you in person....or the ones who never comment on your page so you really have no idea they are ever there...THEN you see them:

"How was your trip...?"
"Sorry you had a headache 2 weeks ago..."
"So what ever happen to....."

They know everything about you and you seriously couldn't tell them their name, well let me correct that you know their maiden or middle name but can't remember their first name.

Sad huh?
Now before you delete me as a "facebook frend" I love Facebook and love the connection it helps me have with family and frends.

I think Facebook can mess up frendships. There! I said it.

When you have ONE frend that doesn't have Facebook, things can get even more complicated.
She knows nothing about your life, she never gets to see the random pictures you post, she never gets to see where you 'check-in', when you change your look she is the last to know. She doesn't know any of this unless.......(here's the crazy part).....YOU CALL HER.

I haven't shared life with her.
I post my life on Facebook.
I seem to care more about my status on Facebook.
I keep in touch with frends who don't even care about me.

Have I been a good frend?

See why I want to take the "I" out of friends?

2.75 miles....seriously.

So I started my 10k training session.

I love the first day, we talk and get to know eachother and talk and stuff....just talking and laughing......I always try and ask 2 more questions so we can maybe talk SO much that we forget to run.

NOPE.

My coaches have me figured out and I love it!

We started the 8 week session with a nice and steady 2.75 mile run...CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? I know me either. I will say this super slow..........................

"WE. STARTED. WITH. A. 2.75 MILE RuN!"

It just blows my mind that we started with such a high number and I did it.
I guess when I really think about it....it's not like we have to learn to tie our shoes everytime we get a new pair of shoes-that would get exhausting.

I am still one of the slowest, but I finish.

I feel better while running. I can even talk. Well I can ASK one question and listen to them answer real good.

My knees hurt.

I have a friend that could just make me a 13.1 sticker for my car-she has connections. I am so tempted.

Nope.
I will finish every race that I start.

uncomfortable truths.

I get frustrated listening to people gripe about their weight.
I get frustrated listening to people talk about their health problems.
I say to myself, "Do something about it...."
I have never been loved by the opposite sex, I judge woman who find it easily.
I hide my pain.
I'm not doing what I am supposed in life because I am afraid of failing.
It scares me that I do not long for a relationship with my parents.
Sometimes I don't feel like getting out of bed.
I cuss.
I question God.
I trust too easily.
I dance in my closet-it helps me pick out clothes.
I don't like when parents talk bad about their kids.
I agree with people sometimes just to make them stop talking.
I giggle when I see or even hear about someone falling.
I pray while people are talking to me.
I want to be better.

OH.....and I'm a Christian.

warning: what u are about to read is a little bumpy

The definition for Passport in the dictionary is: A certificate intended to secure admission.

Everyone has a different reason for needing a Passport mine was in 2007, I won a sales trip to The Bahamas....yep I sold enough to get a free trip.

I don't know about you but getting your passport in the mail can feel kind of official. I think I even looked around at the mail box before opening it. It's a very "grown up" feeling. Ok maybe that's just me.
I digress.

I never really thought about my passport again until one day in church our Pastor was talking about "having your passport ready" It's such a open statement....did he mean CAN I FIND IT?

I think I know where it is.
Did he mean, "Are you willing to use it?"

See, you don't need a passport to go to Church but you need one to go to a Church out of the country.
We don't need a passport to play with kids who never get to just "play", but you do need one to play with kids out of the country.

I know what some of you are thinking. There are Churches and Kids in need right here in our backyard...yes you are correct. God doesn't have such a small mind though he sees our backyard as being maybe Costa Rica....maybe Nicoya...in Costa Rica. He calls us to go.

I don't think He wants us to stay comfortable. I don't feel like Jesus wants us uncomfortable either...but He wants us to push ourselves. He wants us to use our passport.

Your passport may be a drivers license that allows you to drive to the needy or your passport may be a name tag that allows YOU into the preschool room at church or your passport may be the curriculum that was given to you to teach 4th and 5th graders.
Point is...we have to listen.

We did.

The Bus driver said it was only going to be 40 mins to Nicoya it seems to always way longer than that. We didn't mind.
The first day was exciting. We leaped off the bus ready to work. It was like Jesus met us at the gate of Walter's church with our assignments in hand. We accepted them immediately.

Painting.
"I've never painted in my whole life...." -Melissa (me)
We were not professionals but we were there to get a job done. I took pride in my work.
Everyone did.

The feeling at the church changed everyday around 2:15pm.

The award for all of our hard work was handed to us the minute the first child walked into the gates.
The music started and the smell of the yummy food would fill the air.

I was nervous the first time I saw one of the Moms. Would she like me? Would she think I thought I was better? We were both single moms just in very different circumstance.

I smiled and said "Hola".....she said it back.
Sometimes I wanted to just sit on the bus....I understood nothing they were saying and felt unworthy (what was I doing here)....until I thought about how Jesus must have felt. How dare I go and sit...when Jesus did this exact thing and has asked us to follow his example.

Jesus knows our gifts...we all had a job to do. Sometimes mine was to just walk around and say Hola and smile....sometimes it was washing hands and sometimes it was pushing myself to do something uncomfortable.

Everyone had a job.

piggy-packs for the kids
soccer
cleaning the dishes
dancing
consoling
cooking
painting
organizing
gluing
playing
running
taking pictures
face painting
grocery shopping

The biggest job that I learned while there in Nicoya is LOVING. Even if we had none of the above if we just loved them and each other...we did exactly what God has asked us to do.

I've had people ask me, "So has this changed you?"
Yes I am changed, but the neat thing is that I was myself there. I loved the only way I knew how to love...everyone did what they knew how to do. None of us went to a "How to go on a mission trip" class.

We were ourselves.

I think that when we are put into a place where no one expects you to be a certain way we are MORE authentic.

MY definition of a Passport:
A certificate intended to secure change.

Doesn't mean we have to come back from a mission trip different....just means we have to allow ourselves to love the way He intends us to.
Love differently.
Surprise someone with a smile.

Say "Hola" more.

mission trip

I still can't believe I GET to go on a Mission Trip to Costa Rica...I remember telling Jesus, "Hey I have a passport just in case you needed to know that...."

(like he didn't already know...)

Thanks to my family and friends Kyleigh and I get to travel....internationally. We get to go where Jesus needs us.
Almost fives years ago I would have never thought that I would be so excited to go somewhere I have never been to show the love of Jesus to strangers.

In Christ we are not strangers.

funk's suck.

You that time in a relationship when you DON'T get the "good morning text", or he doesn't compliment your new hair color?

You still like each other but it's just not the same.

Well I woke feeling like that way about running and being healthy. I woke up tired.
I woke saying to myself, "Why do I have to try so hard....when will this NOT be the first thing I think of....Don't eat bad today. When are you going to run this week? You will gain all that back. Does God get tired of me asking for help? look at your hair..."

I am seriously afraid of what I know I am capable of. I know that I could eat bad today and not run ever again. I know that people would still love me. I know my sister would still be proud of me, because I would just do something else (easier) to make her proud.

I woke up in a funk.

Funks scare me.

I ate cereal WITH SUGAR ON IT.

I am not doing this to make people proud of me, I am doing this so I can live longer...! Kyleigh at one of the 5k's said something to me that really just stuck with me:
She said, "Mom you are going to be calling my kids saying COME on Jr. lets run another 5k...if your grandma can do it you can...." we laughed. BUT it's true and its what I WANT.

When you get in a funk what do you do?

If you know me you know I prayed FIRST...but then I closed my eyes and pictured my life like a movie-you know that part in every movie. the music is loud and the calendar numbers show and the main character changes...kinda fast. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad.

I feel a little better.
Just struggling today.

"Don't be SKERRED...."

My knees are hurting.

My ankles ache.

My hips are in pain and by the way as Shakira would say: "my hips don't lie."

I am not nervous about actually running anymore, I am actually nervous that my body will stop working. I have actually cried over this. SO, I pray.

I pray while I stretch.

Some may think, "Man that runner over there has 3 cheerleaders in HER MIND and she channels them right before each run...or is that chick talkin' to me...?"

I pray over my ankles. While touching each one I ask God to help them the way He helps me....Keep them strong Lord, I apologize that I have put so much weight on them and I promise Him that I am trying to lighten the load. I thank Him for every ache-because THAT means I can feel and I am not doing anything to deaden the pain.

I touch my hips. I tell Jesus that I love every inch of my hips, I tell Him I am sorry for ever talking bad about them I thank Him for my rhythm. (I think having rhythm helps me run) I ask Him to help them move at the exact time they are supposed to. I ask Him to remind me gently, that my Mom has broken hers and I have not.

I grab my knees. I say "LOOK knees....I 'kneed' you and I know you have a lot of pressure on you to make this 3 mile run happen....BUT you HAVE a JOB to do....I will make sure during my next pedicure...YOU get all the attention and NOT my toes....Amen"

Praying works.

I will not be scared of my own body and the powerful things it does. I will use every inch of it to glorify Him.
I will put extra lotion on my freckled skin.
I will use sunscreen.
I will rest when I should rest and run when I have committed to it.
Jesus needs me as much as I need Him. He needs this body to be healthy because it protects this heart that pumps for Him. These eyes that see where He needs me. This mouth that won't shut up about Him. This hair....that...is just cute. He needs my feet so can go where He needs me. He needs my ears so I can hear Him.

So I will continue to pray.
Romans 7:6

5k

I got passed by a 64 year old with CROCS on.
I would be ok with just a fit 64 year old....but seriously CROCS??? I chuckled to myself and just kept movin'.
5k's are a GREAT place for people watching....I mean if you want to jog while doing it.
Some ladies do not have an honest coach who tells them:
"Invest in two things 1.Running shoes 2.Sports bra"

WOW. I wanted to stop one lady and just give her mine. It was painful to watch....she was running towards me, which means she had made the turn around...she was way ahead! I will shut up about her, now.

One couple had their cameras with them...hanging around their necks!!
OK so I cant stand for anything to be moving around while I jog (hence the GOOD sports BRA) you get the point. But seriously your HUGE CAMERA? What are you taking pictures of? I know the brochure for the race said "running threw beautiful Brenham"...but wow. I cant even THINK while jogging much less take a photo.

One guy had suit pants on. He passed me....so I will not go on about him.

I didn't know about the 'water stations' hip hip hooray!!! Thanks for NOT telling me or I would have ran faster.
I felt cool drinking a little and then SLAMMING the paper cup on the ground-you know like on the movies. I look like a runner......at...the....water stations!

I cried at the start line. I cried because I could tell Jesus was with me...he whispered "keep movin'" He is so sweet. I know things are-a-changin' because I did something without being watched the whole time-not that I am an attention getter (cough cough) but it IS easier to do stuff when people are watching then not. Agree?

I wanted to make Jesus proud-I know I don't have to and I know it doesn't get me a better parking spot in Heaven, but it feels good.

I cried at the finish line.
I cried when one of my coaches ran next to me. I seriously feel that Jesus passed the baton to her and kinda uses her as my encourager here on earth. Kristy and Ami speak so clearly when we are running-I feel Jesus would speak super clear if He were running next to me. He never loses His breath....He never gets tired or weary.
I am not saying Kristy and Ami are Jesus, but I am saying that Jesus is using them and they are obedient and I am thankful for that.

Makes me want to be more obedient.

Speaking of being obedient, we all got free ice cream...it was kinda mandatory.

CROCS or no crocs, I did my best and I kept moving.

Thank you Jesus for never leaving me and for BlueBell.

New Shoes?

Well I bought some new runnin' shoes. I was told my other ones were "breaking down" I'm guessing its because of all the miles I had but on them....LOL. So I ran last night, a quick mile....and it felt HORRIBLE.....! I was by myself, with no one encouraging me. Which scares me a little. Do I always need someone there encouraging me? Will I stop this when the honeymoon stage goes away? It even felt different...my calves WERE killin' me....so bad that I was almost in a full limp-mode! It was super windy and when you go as slow as me it almost knocked me over. I kept saying to myself.... "Jesus did way more then this to get to his death...so that He could die for my sins" I know I know that may sound morbid to some of you, but really I am running a MILE and then going to dinner. Can I really NOT DO THIS FOR HIM....! I get frustrated. I kept running. Then I stopped to go to the bathroom. LIKE in an actual restroom.....(not all parks have those) this was the first time I actually saw the word REST...in restroom....I had to pee...BUT wow I could also REST IN HERE...no one was outside waiting for me. I rested. I rested too much. Was this the "old me"?... I thought she was gone....nope just chillin'! See, the old me is too lazy to make herself seen a whole lot....but she comes right when I am weak. She tells me it's ok to REST no one is around....no one even noticed you left the running trail. I have to remember that I am never alone.....I have to listen very carefully to Jesus...He is always in my ear encouraging me. For the first time in 3 weeks I did not like this transformation. It scares me to feel that way. I blamed it on my new shoes....but really it's not the shoes at all. It's a gentle reminder from my sweet DaddyGod...that any time you need earthly people more then Him...he will remind you in the only way he knows you will listen. Tonight I run again, and tonight it will feel right.

I changed my mind.

I am up to 2 MILES!!! I found my pace. My hip flexers hurt. I have lost 11 pounds. I am strong. Shin Splints hurt. Jesus meets me at every run. Running is fun. Running is not as fun as a roller coaster. Feeling strong is way better than pizza. "Eating CLEAN" is like putting clean fuel in your car. I sweat A LOT. I crave God not bad food. My running coaches were right. Bananas and water help me run better. I think about running more then I do food. Meeting different people has helped me to be different. I'm in a good mood. I was made for more. I relax when I run, especially when Kristy and Ami tell me to. My new sports bra is really my favorite supporter. I can't do this alone. I used to get nervous now I just get excited. I spit a lot after a run and I am not judged for it. Isabel encourages me. I get a running newsletter every morning....and...I read it. I'm going to run a 5k. For the first 1/2 mile my calves lock up and I almost quit. I don't. Jesus meets me at every run.

it's me again...

I'm running.......again.
This time it's different.

I am bigger now then the last time.....so it hurts worse. I cry before I run.

I started this 3 weeks ago, thanks to one of my best friends Nikole. She did this 5k training last year and did a great job....I waited and waited for the next class to start...."not like I wait for the Queso' to come out when I order it at a Mexican hole in the wall....but I did wait for it!"

Well the first day was fun, probably because I got hang out with Nikole. I was super nervous. We introduced ourselves...I made a couple jokes (I'm learning I do that so the coaches will be easy on me) now it was time to run...."this was a running group" not happy hour.
I did ok.

We ran 1/8 of a mile.

These coaches were different....they didn't just tell me to run...they stayed next to me. They encouraged me. They really believe I can do it.

The second week the injuries started. I still showed up, now I cry AFTER the run. I now carry around some roll-on ben gay stuff in my purse...and I have ice packs always attached to somethin'....but I showed up.

We ran like 31 miles.
(actually three 1/2 miles with walking in between)

Third week. I had to miss one day because my chiropractor said so. I was so afraid to miss one. That was Thursday....I made it up on Saturday morning at a "fun run" and I was the only one who showed up. Well me and one of the coaches....just me and her! She stayed with me, we walked and jogged and talked (not while running-cuz I can't yet), stretched, jogged......at the end she said "well you just had a 2.3 mile morning!!" At first I thought she said twenty-three miles...I was like "wow I am amazing...."

I felt good. no crying.

The 5k is April 23rd. Today is March 21st.

I am writing this for me...I know some people may think...why does Melissa always have to tell everyone everything....why does she share these "journey's"?? I am not sure....all I do know is that it helps me.

I hit 300 pounds 3 1/2 weeks ago. It scared me.
I am now 291.

I hear God whispering "Keep moving....Melissa" He has made me for more. I have to be healthy to serve (not small) but healthy. If Jesus needs to me climb the highest mountain because one of his people are in need...I have to be READY!

Stay tuned.....