"Mother the crap out of your kids....."

This year I want an Apple Watch for Mother's Day----the most expensive gift I've ever asked for since being a Mom....and I REALLY want it.
I even sent a group text to Kyleigh and her Dad-I giggled the whole time writing it. 

This has been the hardest year of Mothering for me. 

No late night drama.
No back talk
NO rolling of the eyes...

No Leaving dishes in the sink...
No coming home late.... 
No bad grades and teacher conferences....
No teenage drama-NONE.

I didn't MOTHER this year. 
"I DID NOT MOTHER this YEAR".....does that sentence even make sense?

Now---I know what most of you are thinking ----
"Melissa you are always mother'ing---we never stop....our kids will always need us...."
I hear you! I know you are right. In my right mind I KNOW you are right.

But in my Empty Nest Mind----you are not correct.

I was not needed this year in the same ways. Sure...I got asked 524186 times what her Social Security number was, BY HER! (haha)
I got phone calls telling me how good her food was at the dining hall...
I even got phone calls thanking me for teaching her how to do "stuff..."

I didn't get to over hear her telling a friend "it will be ok---Jesus loves you and understands..." 
I didn't get to yell at her ONCE!!! Not once did I get to ask her about her homework.
OH and NOT ONCE----NOT even once did I get to get angry at her PHONE use.
I never got to pick up her laundry. 

Mothering was different this year.....NO one tells you how HARD it will be....yes---we are told how sad it can be and how much you will miss the kids. BUT MOTHERING WILL BE HARD! 
No--I was never told that.

Hearing your kid figure stuff out WITHOUT your input can be gut wrenching---I felt it--I know.
Hearing your kid say "Mom I need to see you...." is sweet (yes) but not when it's a 10 hour drive. (thank you Chris for flying her out that weekend...you'll never know what it did for our souls...) 

Hearing her say "I need to seek out some older women---I need older women in my life, they are good for me..." 
"Wait I'm an OLDER WOMAN..."....raising my hand like a 1st grader...!
"I'm old and stuff.....SEEK ME OUT!!!"

Mothers "Mother'ing" today...this week.....this year.
.....MOTHER....
Mother the crap out of your kids!!!
I know that's a little blunt----but GO ALL IN....Don't apologize for it. Be goofy....TALK TO THEM..ask them questions...MOST of ALL---listen to their sweet voices....watch the eye rolls. Smell the dirty clothes. M O T H E R!!!!!

oh and don't compare your MOTHERING....it WILL take you away from MOTHER'ING before you know it.....all you are doing is watching and not DOING. 

Maybe one day YOU will also want an AppleWatch...because you just feel like getting through the first year of NOT Mothering is a miracle!
Maybe you won't----and that's ok....I just needed to write about!

Happy Mother's day.....now go out there and MOTHER!!!

His Week > My week

My first month as a Christian was July 2007....nothing real Godly about July....The biggest change was well.....
I laid out by the pool while reading the Bible. That was HUGE to me.

I went through Christmas....in awe. Understanding really what happen. He was born so that HE could die for me.

Chills.

Christmas Eve service: child-like doesn't quite explain it but WOW I sat with my mouth open. Starring at all the people. Thinking of that day 2000 years. I was and still am like a kid. I look around a lot. Asking questions.

Then my first Easter came.
I should have bought a t-shirt with "Baby's 1st Easter" on it!!

Ya'll, I wept at the thought that Jesus didn't stay in that tomb. He was alive! He is alive! I remember after my first Easter service saying to someone (most likely an innocent stranger who HAPPEN to sit by this new baby Christian....) I said, "Oh my gosh...why don't we celebrate Easter in a bigger way??? I mean I know being born from a virgin is a big deal BUT COMING BACK TO LIFE....seriously THAT is something to put a tree up for...."

That person just smiled and walked away. I think I scared them.

I also remember a couple days AFTER Easter asking one of my Pastor friends, "So um if Jesus is Alive...where is He right now...?"

Let me just say, "THANK YOU JESUS FOR PUTTING SUCH AMAZING FRIENDS IN MY PATH TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS WITHOUT GIGGLING....."

I am paralyzed sometimes at the thoughts I have of this week.

I find myself thinking about Jesus and His week compared to mine.

I know I have off Friday.
He knew He was being crucified.

I prepare for for Easter, buying stuff.
He prepared for His Resurrection.

Matthew 28:1-10 
After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." (NIV)

Lord, Thank you for making me very aware of you. I apologize that during this week I let the planning and busyness take away from what YOU were doing this week. I will continue to take a couple minutes, close my eyes and picture your sweet face going to the cross. Thank you Jesus. Thank you!

this was a dare.....

We all know that pain.
I call it the "Drive-by Shooting" pain...
No I have never been shot.
But I have watched plenty of movies and have seen the reaction of being shot.

You are standing one second and BAM the next second you are bent over....and holding whatever was shot. YES? Yes...I think that sounds about right.

Please note:
"Drive-by Shooting" pain and "Charlie Horse" pain can look very similar-don't be confused though. The "Charlie Horse" pain will make you sore the next mornin' and you will have no recollection of what had happened.

Some may call this a 'gas bubble' as if they don't want to just say, "I think I have gas..."
Instead if you say "GAS BUBBLE" it's worse kinda and does not automatically mean YOU HAVE GAS.

I have even over heard someone refer to it as a ..."oh my gosh I may have something wrong...." pain, as they dramatically grab one side of their stomach with one had and the other hand is paying their Mexican food bill.

The other day I was having a "Drive-by Shooting" pain and instead of just breathing through it I felt the need to let the person I was talking to know I was having it.

I stared at her.
Heard NOTHING she was saying. 

I am guessing I looked like I was dying because she asked...."are you having a drive-by shooting" pain? 
(she knew me-so she knew I called it that)

I just stared and said...."hold on one second...." with my pointer finger pointed at her.

Weird how I can't have anyone talking around me when this is happening.
Ask my daughter-she cannot talk in the car when I am dealing with such pain.

I guess it let's the pain know..."I am very aware of you and will make sure YOU take over this moment 100%"

*GIVE me a topic and I will write about it...I cannot promise it will be this riveting....but I will try and make you proud.

"Not Best Friends Anymore."

Me: "I cant have carbs, dairy or sugar...right now!"

Concerned co-worker: " Oh goooosh I'm sooooo sorry....what are you eating-are you ok?"

This made me giggle.

Let me make myself very very clear- I AM NOT HUNGRY...I am actually very satisfied.

Food Addiction is a serious thing, so if you are battling it THIS IS NOT ME MAKING FUN of it-it's me sharing my thoughts and experiences on that topic...because I can relate.

I eat to make myself happy. Not for fuel.
A bunch of taco bell puts me in a good mood.
The smell of Subway bread makes me excited...and happy.
I have gotten bad news before and INSTANTLY gone and ordered a pizza and ate it all.

This is a doozie: (not a double doozie cookie-justa a doozie):
I have eaten food ON THE WAY to a restaurant before and still ordered a full meal...I wanted to feel MY KIND OF FULL...not just the normal full.
I think about food every second of the day.
I have a problem.

Well-I went to a wellness Dr. and a physiologist and as she talked about ME and MY issues...I of course was thinking:
"UGH I should have eaten something HUGE on the way...here..."

They were creating this PLAN for me....
First I had to Detox...with Medicine...No sugar, No Carbs and No Dairy....
they want to find out if I have any food allergies....

"Uh NO WONDER I swell (get fat) when I eat... YES! Ok well can I go now??"

They never laughed at my JOKES.
The do however-email, text and call me almost hourly!

The first 4 days of this were so sad.
I was actually sad.
I have had 2 break-ups in my life and I'm not sure I cried as hard as I did when I had to break up with my BEST FRIENDS Carb, Sugar AND Dairy.
I cried in my bed....with the lights off. (Lifetime Movie style)

I literally had to put my armor on every morning and fight against this.
I had body aches....shakes....and a 4 day headache.
It was dark around me.

I wanted popcorn.

Day 4 as I was getting into my car (yes I had to work through all this) my sister called:
"Hey how's it goin...?"
I yelled at her....I cried....I actually had to pull over my car....This was a fight that i would lose.
She gave me strict instructions:
1. You will take breaks at work.
2. You need to eat as much MEAT and VEGGIES as you can.
3. Pray
4. Take walks around your parking lot and look UP.
5. YOU WILL win this....

She has a way of making you listen...all of a sudden I felt safe. I felt strong.
The next day....OH THE NEXT DAY....
I felt so different...the Drs. said my 5th day would be my worst-NOT WITH GOD....! I felt 'in control' I prepared my food and took walks and just loved myself for even trying!

Today I feel good. I have sad moments...but I think of Jesus and all the things He did for me and how sad He must feel when I go to food and NOT Him.

I am a work in progress.

Online Mating or is it Dating?..."what"

Whew...THAT WAS CLOSE!

I almost signed up on a dating site.
Just now...like...I even posted a picture.
And when it came to the part where I had to describe my perfect mate...I laughed!
Perfect Mate? Mate? Who calls it that anymore?
Anyway all this made me think:

"Do I REALLY want to start dating?"

I have NOT been on a date in more than a year. Crazy huh? Now before you look at your mate while reading this and say something like "awe babe we have to find her someone...." DON'T....I am not sad about this.
I question this "non-sadness" a lot. While others are questioning "WHY ME? Why can't I FIND MY MATE...?" I question..."Lord why am I not seeking my mate? Why am I not worried?"

Don't get me wrong there are about 4 times a year when I have a moment of..."hhhmmm wonder when I will get THAT..." It's usually after spending a GREAT evening with all my fun married friends....YES I am that chick...I love watching married people...not in a creepy way but in a healthy way...I enjoy watching 2 very different people figure stuff out. I even like a good disagreement every once and awhile.
It's healthy.
I love watching these 2 people disagree and then walk by each other about 21 minutes later and kiss each other...and smile.
You see, I never got to see healthy marriages while growing up. I say marriages (plural) because I saw a lot of them. My family kinda did it for sport. I say that in a silly manner but it's true. We quit a lot.

I digress.
Let's get back to this dating phenomenon.

I see it like this:

I trust the Lord 100%
I trust Him with my finances.
My health.
My home
My Daughter
My family
My career

Why in the world would I doubt Him when it comes to my love life? What a slap in His face if I do. 
So I don't.

I thank Him....I even giggle sometimes in excitement....thinking this man MY MATE is going to be so ready for me and I for him. Jesus is working on us both. We will not be perfect but we will be ready.

Ready. READY. What a sweet word that is not taken too seriously anymore. Well it is when it comes to food and that's about it. "Dinner's ready, yall!"
Even babies aren't allowed to stay in the womb until they are ready to come out....we RUSH everything.

Jesus does everything in perfect timing. He does things when He is ready.

"Lord, I am ready when you are. I trust you. I will always have my lip gloss ready (just in case)
Thank you for seeing every part of my life as an important part....!"

- Melissa Age. 38

"I want Velcro shoes so I can do them all by myself..." -Kyleigh Isaac age 3

It happens. They want to do stuff all by themselves. 

I love my mom and know she did the best she could-I truly believe that.

I do believe she stopped raising me at the age of 17. I could do all things by myself. She didn't need to do anything else. She was a single Mom, now she could have the freedom we all lose the minute we have a child. She could stay at work late and not have to worry about picking me up from various places.She could hand me a $20 and know that she did her part.

I think this is why I am paralyzed when I think of Kyleigh doing life without me in the driver's seat. (literally)

I have had the pleasure of driving her everywhere. 

The car ride became something more than just a ride somewhere. 

Conversations started:

"Mom-where do homeless people walk? I mean they have nowhere to go...why do they walk fast?" Age 8

"Mom-I just counted 11 brown trucks and only 3 of them were light brown" Age 5

"Mom-why would some one sing about a tootsie roll?" Age 9

"Mom-can we have Cici's pizza?" Age 9

"Hey Mom-I need to tell you something and you are going to be so sad with me.....Mom-I said a cuss word in my head today at lunch." Age 10

"Mom-What do other people do on Sundays I cant believe we used to not go to church, I love it!" Age 10

"Mom-can you turn the radio up?" Age 11

"Mom----------never mind." Age 12

"Mom I seriously cannot believe you were right about that guy. How do you know stuff like that?" Age 13

"Mom I think it's neat how Jesus has us BOTH single at the same time so we can relate to each other better-easier..." Age 14

"Mom- is it weird that I have my permit?" Age 15

"Mom-really....do I drive good....?" Age 15

"Mom-I cant believe you think Bruno Mars is sexy..." Age 15

"Mom-I told my friend we could go eat and stuff tomorrow like without you...just me and her........I mean you can come if you want....." Age 16

"Mom this is going to be weird. I'm gonna miss you in the morning...." Age 16

Conversations will continue. Just in different places.

I had to learn when I first become a Christian-YOU DON'T JUST TALK TO JESUS AT THE CHURCH.

I will not stop raising Kyleigh. I will meet her where she is. 

I will ask Jesus, "How do you do it? How do you continue to raise me even though I am 38? How do you meet me where I am? Teach me O'Lord."

He is the parent and I am the babysitter.  

Spaghetti Squash, y'all!

So God creates this food...that when cooked correctly you can get a fork and stab into it and BAM it looks like real spaghetti and it's good...and good for you!

Spaghetti Squash is no JOKE, ya'll!

I have decided that I will start looking for things that He wants me to have. I will open my eyes to Him. 
I will pursue Him.
HE is enough.

I go to an awesome church and listen to an awesome man preach to me every week...
I am surrounded by smart pastors and smart Godly woman.....
and a Squash teaches ME something about ME and JESUS??
Seriously.

I probably pass by 23 different things in a day that could teach me something about me and Jesus.

Last night I learned that Jesus chose His followers. "Don't look at me like that...I had no idea."
I tell people I chose Him....when really I accepted His invitation. He was waiting for my RSVP for 33 years. 

I remember walking on the beach in Costa Rica 2 summers ago and Kyleigh saying, "Mom look!" and she was pointing at bananas and coconuts...in a tree....right there on the beach....! FOR anyone to just take.

Don't get me wrong I knew they came from trees...but for some reason I thought it was like in a certain area...like a farmer had to PLANT THE TREES and then take care of them so that they would do their job.
WELL-I was right.

That farmer is Jesus.

Ya'll he just hands us stuff...and we just walk by looking for the next thing. 

This may sound so childish to some of you...but aren't we HIS CHILDREN?
Shouldn't we think this way more often.

I think we should.